Navigating Birth & Death, Transitions & Passageways

5,000 year-old carving from Knowth, Ireland

One of my great loves in this life is the lightning: that devastatingly disruptive and creative force that enters our lives at pivotal moments to invite new possibilities of being. It is a specialty, passion, and ongoing study of mine is accompanying individuals during times of major transition or creative crisis. These are the moments between birth and death...where the universe in its infinite potential is opened before us and we are graced with the opportunity to decide what, where, who we will be.

Not many people truly see this opportunity for what it is. Fewer yet accept the invitation and are able to step through the portal into a new way of being.

Such moments of crisis, rupture, grief & change have been long seen as sacred and potent for the ancestral and Indigenous peoples of the Earth. They were thus properly cared for and contained by the community as a whole as well as specialists or guides in the healing and initiatory arts.

A Doula is someone who tends to the major passageways of the soul and human being on its journey, oftentimes with different specialties such as birth, death, coming of age, shamanic initiation, etc. Unlike a midwife or a mortician, however, their role is characterized by the interpersonal and spiritual dimensions and needs around such events.

Without a proper container, without the emotional safety and mental grounding provided by supportive relationships and ritualized meaning-making, such creative crises and lightning strikes are rather met with great fear and resistance. Rather than being transformed and initiated into a more profound and authentic way of relating with all of Life, many people get 'caught in the doorway'; they remain in a state of lostness, confusion, brokenness, and disorder.

This is perhaps Life's most primeval form of teaching and transforming us--by breaking us. It is also a form of divine mercy because in truth, it is not we who are breaking but all that we are not. We are freed, if we are able to let go, from the concepts, illusions, and false identities that separate us from being in real connection with Life and with each other (see the archetypes below). Grief, for example, has the power to yield incredible depths and heights of intimacy, Love, catharsis and communal healing by virtue of its breaking our heart open.

In a way, we are currently facing a collective crisis in the same manner. It feels uncertain for many, if we will be able to step through the door towards a more harmonious way of being with each other on this Earth. Though we cannot control the decisions that other people make, we can & must assume our own reality and response-ability for who we are and all that we can be. We must act on behalf of the individual universe, the microcosm that we are, by accepting our own sacred invitation to step through the doors of possibility & change that Life and Death afford....with the hope, that the radiance of each courageous Heart that does so makes doing so just a little bit easier for the others.

Having been myself so utterly transformed by the grief and praise, mystery and grace of heartbreak, the only way I know how to express my gratitude to Life and God is to be here now. Here, in the disposition of service to you and any others who would need accompaniment and support as they journey to find the eye & heart of their own storms and oceans.

My three areas of expertise as a Doula or guide are: rites of passage to adulthood/womanhood; bereavement and death; and healing crises of the physical body.

Heart-Centered Service in Death & Bereavement

Caring for Life by Attending to Death

Attending to ~
Death within the "system" (social, economic, legal)
Death within the eco-system & natural cycles
Death within the family and community
Death within, for, and of the Self

The role of a Death Doula

I can provide you with the necessary tools, knowledge, and information to ease and clarify the passing of you or a loved one.

This may include:
꩜ Understanding general legal requirements and paperwork to be completed before and after a death
꩜ Implementing ancestral and modern communication tools to aid in family and community processing around a death
꩜ Assistance in creating a clear plan of death; considering all options for caring for the body and memorial services/celebrations; clarifying practical steps for wrapping up one's affairs
꩜ Holding space for confronting one's fears, healing relationships, and facilitating a Peaceful Death

Initial Consultation (1-4 hours):
In Person: 50 Eur/USD per hour PLUS travel expenses
Zoom Call: 40 Eur/USD per hour

If we decide we are a good fit and you would like to book more of my services, we will move forward by creating an individually-tailored written agreement of Good Faith for services selected and payment. I do not have packages or set prices because this kind of work contains infinite variation depending on the needs and circumstances of each person.

Ceremonial Specialist

A special passion of mine is the creation and facilitation of ceremonies.
Making ceremony is, in my worldview, a way of generating harmony within the many levels of relationships existing in a given place or community ~ i.e. self, partnership, family, community, territory, and cosmos or Spirit.

My aim within this work and passion is ~
꩜ Building, strengthening, and sustaining community
꩜ Holding time & space for the completion of relationships/closure
꩜ Authentic relating, sharing, and communicating beyond wor(l)ds
꩜ Facilitating transformative experiences for individuals and systems
꩜ Blessing & serving

Types of Services Offered in Death & Bereavement

There are numerous ways of celebrating and honoring Life & Death, beyond what we may be accustomed to expect. The following are ceremonies and events which I can help you to plan and facilitate ~

Celebration of Life or 'Living Wake' (before death) ~ a party or gathering to celebrate the Life of a loved one who knows they will die soon, and to "send them off" in good spirits.
A time to eat together, share stories, sing and dance, and to review one's life and relationships consciously as part of the process of accepting death.

Bedside Vigil (immediately preceding death, phase of "active-dying") ~ sitting bedside with the dying person to ease, comfort, and be a witness to the dying process. This may include the use of relaxing sounds or singing, loving touch (i.e. laying of hands, Reiki, gentle massage), aromatherapy, and/or flower/herbal baths. See the article below for more insights into bedside vigils.

Traditional Wake (immediately following death) ~ an age old tradition meaning to "observe" or "stand guard", in which the body is kept at home, cared for, and watched over anywhere from a few hours to a few days (depending on local regulations and needs of the family). This gives all loved ones a chance to say goodbye and connect to each other in a more raw, intimate, and private space.

Washing & Anointing the Body (1-4 hours following death) ~ the final act of physical Love and care that will be provided to the departed one.
While I would be honored to perform such a task, my main goal is to empower the families or loved ones to do this themselves, as washing and anointing the body is a very intimate act and can support one's process of grief very deeply.
~ This Service is purely by donation only / non-profit!

Honoring Deceased Pets ~ Animals are family, too! Especially recommended for parents with children who, via such experiences, form a new relationship with and understanding of Life & Death.

Wild Grief: Letting it Be ~ Grief is sacred and must be given due form and space to be properly metabolized. Forms and conventions that are overly constrictive can have a suppressive and suffocating effect on the grieving process. When grief is allowed to be, to flow, express & release, it becomes vital nutrients that serve to feed Life. Grief is Love & Praise.
I do not believe there is any "method" for grieving or healing grief. But I am happy to accompany you or be your witness in the process if requested...I find that Nature really helps, especially the ocean.

For more information about services, packages, and prices, contact me. Please include in your email the specific services you are interested in.

Limited Private Home Care ~ I have experience in the caregiving industry and can provide limited private home care when needed, i.e. in conjunction with sitting bedside.

Tidying & Creating Material Order ~ I can help you or a loved one go through items, get rid of what is no longer needed, and create plans and agreements for objects of importance, vehicles, and pets. This is a part of the "wrapping up affairs" service.

Death Education & Outreach ~ let's make a Death Cafe! Or book me for workshops, events, community outreach, etc.

An Important Note on Patient & Family Advocacy

A large part of the role of the modern doula is patient and family advocacy. I am here to help you understand your options and to ensure your wishes, rights, and self-sovereignty are respected, especially in my service to the chronically ill or dying.

Death and the fear of it put people in emotionally vulnerable positions, often impairing critical thinking and decision-making abilities. A sick person, for example, might be pressured by the fear and concern of overbearing family members to choose treatment options that they don't feel are right for them. Or, a grieving family is made to sign papers at the funeral home for unnecessary and highly expensive procedures labeled as "standard protocol." I am here to ensure that you understand your rights, options, and alternatives as a patient in the modern medical system, or as a consumer within the funeral industry.

Rites of Passage to Adulthood/Womanhood

Integrating the fire of our youth into the heart of the community.

For ages 13 to 30, one-on-one or small group settings with the possibility of collaboration for larger scale community projects (see initiatives).

All rites of passage – be it to adulthood, eldership, giving birth, healing crises, grief & loss, or physical death – are about crossing over from one form or state of being to another. All are gateways of immense creative potential and involve a re-ordering, reorientation, and harmonization of one's relationships to self, significant others, family, community, Nature, and the cosmos. Moving through such passageways often ask of us to shed outworn identities and behaviors in order to step into a more authentic, empowered expression of who we are and what we came to this Earth to do.

Who Am I & Why Am I Here?

Rites of passage to adulthood specifically centers in on this last point: journeying into the unknown in order to solidify our sense of self and discover our unique gifts, and then returning to our families and communities to integrate our new roles and responsibilities. And perhaps more than any other rite of passage, the role of the surrounding community is absolutely vital to the success and sustainability of the changes and steps made.

The elders say that the phase of adolescence represents the element of fire, that rebellion is a natural and potentially life-renewing force if integrated properly. However, in order to renew us, this fire must be brought to the center or heart of the community...lest it become a wildfire that burns the village down.

"A child that is not embraced by the village will burn it down just to feel its warmth." - African proverb

Indeed, many young people naturally seek out opportunities to test the limits of themselves and of societal constraints. Our ancestors and elders recognized this via the creation of community containers and processes for initiation through which young people can safely and meaningfully explore their identity and take risks. The transformative fire of adolescence was thereby channeled into a world-renewing force for all. Nowadays, we see exploratory risk-taking behaviors rather in the form of excessive substance consumption, even gang initiation. In place of healthy communities and life-renewing traditions to help youth build a strong foundation of self-worth and identity, there is the internet and its endless streams of information pollution, opinions...as if this time in one's life wasn't confusing enough already.

As both a millennial and an initiated adult, I know what it is to navigate this passage in today's world and the confusion that that can entail. I have been lucky enough to meet the right mentors, teachers, guides and elders who have helped me to uncover my gifts and find my path. I have undergone multiple initiations of various traditions and styles, both accompanied by experts as well as self-created experiences to mark important passageways and decisions in my life. I have voluntarily undergone physically, emotionally, and mentally gruelling challenges in order to build my resilience and capacity as a guide...with still only too much to learn.

5,000-year-old carving from Knowth, Ireland

My Approach to Facilitating Rites of Passage

The pathway that has brought me here to you has been heavily influenced by the following threads: Indigenous Science & pedagogy; Community & Cultural Psychology; Ecopsychology, wilderness awareness training & lots of extended, direct contact with nature; Storytelling, Archetypal Psychology & Mythology; Communication training from both Western and Indigenous paradigms; Action-based & Participatory Research; Ancestral Healing Arts, Ceremony, & plant medicine; processes of physical purification via diet & herbal medicine; Music, the arts, & a great appreciation for beauty. These threads surface in my work to a greater or lesser degree depending on the person I am working with and what is needed.

There are a great variety of tools, approaches, and methods available when designing a rite of passage. Many modern rites of passage organizations today are using a blend of wilderness therapy along with adaptations of the Native American "vision quest" to initiate youth. However, in alignment with the principles of Indigenous science, there is no "one size fits all"; the efficacy and sustainability of the design depends intimately on the context (People, Land, Ancestry, Culture/conceptual territory, Events/history) and surrounding relationships.

Family & Community Integration

Because I do not work as part of a larger organization or business, you will find that my style and methodology will be different. It's important to understand, that initiating a young person is not the work of one or two people; as mentioned above, it is the work of a village, a team. It is for that reason that I prefer to work independently and context-based, both rooted in a place as well as flexible to change, adapt, and create according to present constellations of relationship and cultural heritage pertaining to the individual(s) I am serving.

And my team, you ask? YOU are the team – your family, friends, elders and community, are the team. Everyone has a role to play. It is beautiful, powerful, and necessary to take young people on quests to encounter themselves outside the normal confines and conditioning of their everyday environments. However, equally important and often forgotten is the dynamic of mutual-raising that occurs between the initiate and his or her family and community. It is the medicine of seeing and being seen by those who matter in our lives that will ground and sustain the positive transformations and growth that occurs. If we succeed in this daunting task, you may find that your whole family has passed through a door and emerged on the other side with new ways of being and sharing with one another.

"It takes a village to raise a child"...and "it takes a child to raise a village."

Steps to work with me:

Step One

Start a conversation with me via email. Please note that the degree of accompaniment I can provide for this service is more strongly limited by location (North Central WA, USA), unless you are interested in collaborating for a larger project elsewhere.

Step Two

We will schedule a visit or a zoom consultation to talk about possibilities and what might serve you or your child best, as well as to verify that we are a good match moving forward. If we are in agreement to work together, I will make you a rough proposal & price estimate which we will finalize after the first council session (see step four).

Step Three

We will assemble the support team. This is something to already be thinking of now. Who is the trusted elder(s)? Another trusted adult that is not the parent to serve as mentor? Peers and friends? Other professionals, artists, teachers you or the initiate would like to include?

Step Four & Beyond

We will sit together in council to discuss and create a timeline and design for the rite of passage, as well as refresh and deepen the process as it progresses. This may take more than a few sittings to lay out the details and shared value systems to be implemented in the phases of a rites of passage: (1) preparation, (2) separation, (3) transition, & (4) reincorporation. And the possibilities are pretty infinite from there...

Start a conversation with me

Crises of Healing

Body as Messenger & Guide

Crisis as Initiation

Struck by lightning? Swallowed by the sea?
Have you recently had or are having an experience that completely undermined all you thought to be true about yourself and your place in this world? A life-changing diagnosis, a great loss, a profound or altered state of consciousness, a rupturing of identity?

I am here to inspire, uplift, and accompany you as you transform your crisis into a gift. Such experiences, although oftentimes terrifying, can be great opportunities and initiations to live more authentically, meaningfully, and beautifully according to our true purpose in Life. However, they need to be properly held and integrated into our everyday experience and relationships in order to fully flower.

Mainstream delivery systems of psycho-social care are important and you should consult with a therapist or doctor if you think you need one. However, very few health professionals are familiar with the initiatic arts when it comes to moments of mental, emotional, and physical intensity or challenge in one's Life. The dimensions of creativity & art, spirituality & soul, lifestyle & purpose, relationship renewal & self-sovereignty are often lost in standardized procedures of diagnosis and treatment.

I am not a therapist, & neither am I here to heal you.

The service I provide is for those who are ready to assume their own reality, self-sovereignty, and response-ability...those who are willing do the work and become the force of healing and renewal that they seek.

Never help a butterfly out of its cocoon. If the butterfly does not go through the exhaustive work of pushing and itself out, its wings will not be strong enough to fly and it will die.

My role is as a guide, muse, encourager, accountability partner, and witness. I offer ongoing support & accompaniment, holding space in person & via zoom for you to connect to your own medicine and source of power within. I can also provide you access & guidance within a large base of knowledge, resources, tools, traditions, and interpersonal connections from all over the world.

I have adopted a whole-systems approach to inner & outer processes of harmonization and transformation, which challenges the reductionist and materialistic tendencies of the Western mind. We are invited instead to see the connections between all things, to see ourselves as both part and whole. This is a pathway to authentic empowerment and truly sustainable growth and renewal, which moves beyond the personal, "you" or "me"...it is an approach takes into account several different dimensions of healing, relationship, and behavioral change.

The following are examples of different dimensions, tools, and modalities that we have the possibility to integrate and explore during our work together:

Regenerative Detoxification with living food & herbs
Relationship to the body
Environmental design, nature connection
Community & family resource activation
Ancestral trauma; resolving multi-generational patterns
Effective communication, balancing relationships
Plants as medicine & tools of knowledge
Storytelling, meaning creation, ceremonial arts
Experience in various alternative healing modalities (touch, sound, movement, etc.)

You can book your first consultation (or a free 20-minute consultation) directly via my sister website: www.theblueberryfairy.com.

A free 20-minute consultation to get to know one another is also possible. Feel free to reach out via email with any questions.